Federal Police have been called into Cricket Australia’s Jolimont St Headquarters as a number of prized and valuable trophies have gone missing.
All that's left in CA's trophy cabinet
“Mate, some thieving bastard has nicked most of our trophies.” seethed Chief Executive James Sutherland. “Hadn’t noticed ’til the other day as this big giant crystal vase that we get for smacking the Poms in one-dayers has gone walkabout. Had a closer look and fuck me, the Ashes aren’t there either.”
Sutherland had also reported the World Twenty20 Championship trophy as missing, until Chief Statistician Count Al Balls pointed out Australia had in fact never won that tournament. “My mistake,” said Sutherand. “Punter told me we win everything so I just assumed it had been stolen as well.”
Police had few leads although suspect a cartel of Indian dairy owners may be behind the heist. “They were burning effigies of John Howard in the streets of Essendon the other day,” observed Inspector Hans Cuff. “Anti-Australian sentiment is running pretty high at the moment in the Indian community.”
